I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
