can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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