Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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