Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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