I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
