does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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