Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
