The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
