im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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