My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
