I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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