i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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