I think i peed on brittanys purse
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
