**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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