We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
