I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
