ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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