thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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