We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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