Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
