Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
