peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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