You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
