Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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