I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize