well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
