i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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