She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
