Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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