we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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