oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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