Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
