My friends, they love my intelligence
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
