Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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