I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
