Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
