I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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