My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
