So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He? As in you personified your dick?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
