Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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