Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
