i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
