I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
