i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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