just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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