God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
