I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's always time for handjobs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize