Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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