Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
