you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
how drunk are you?
Several
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
