She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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