Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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