She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
