On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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