We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
FUCK WHALES
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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