A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
