She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
