ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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