I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found puke in my bra..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
