half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How's work?
Spinning.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
