dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize