i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize