Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize