I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He shit in the fireplace
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
