he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
