Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
