There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
