im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
