I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
