Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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