yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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