I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
