Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
