you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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