Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
