Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
