Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
