Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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