Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
