The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
